One-Liners

Meeting chicks is hard. The way I figure it, if you're going to use a bad pick up line you might as well use a bad one-liner. If she's drunk enough to laugh at it, you're already halfway home. Here's some of the worst.

Rumsfeld: Sir, bad news from Iraq. The coalition forces lost 3 Brazilian soldiers yesterday.
Bush: OH MY GOD THAT'S AWFUL. How many is a brazillion again??

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal testicles?
Sparky.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Get out of my sun.

What do Michael Jackson and Burger King have in Common?
They both stick 48 year old meat into 5 year old buns.

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
He grows taller.

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a hard on?
He smashed his his nose.

What do gay cows eat?
Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
NACHO cheese.

A guy walks into a bar . . .
OUCH!

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting cow wh-MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pick an Epithet, Any Epithet

So I pre-ordered my own tombstone today. Kind of morbid yes, but there's no reason to leave that burden on your loved ones. Plus, I had a coupon.

I went with something simple and timeless. It's gonna read . . .

"<---- I'm with Stupid."

If Your Name is Dog, and You're Headed to a Mexican Prison . . . Change Your Name ASAP

Duane "Dog" Chapman, self-proclaimed world's most-famous bounty hunter, may soon be headed to Mexican Prison for, ironically, jumping bail. Mexican prison would really suck because in the shower you have to try not to drop the soap and you have to try not to accidently drink the water.

WillBlogforBeer

Title says it all.